The Doctor As A Construct
by Daemon faerie queen
Summary: Set immediately after The God Complex. The Doctor in his TARDIS voices his thoughts on his relationship with Amy. Oneshot.


**A/N:** _I planned to write this several weeks ago, but today's episode inspired me to put it in a different setting. Rather than the Doctor having an emo moment of death, this is instead spoken in the TARDIS after leaving Amy behind. I have always loved the concept of him as an imaginary friend. Character belongs to the great Steven Moffat/ the BBC._

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><p>Amelia. Can you hear me? No, of course you can't, you're not even real. Not anymore. Silly Doctor. Silly mad man with his silly blue box. Amelia Pond, the little girl all alone in the empty house, waiting with her apple, for a silly old man. I never wanted you to grow up, not really. How could I tell you that? Would've been a bit weird really…and rude. Not that that would have stopped me. Hasn't stopped me before. Did I ever tell you about my last face? I said I was rude then. If I could have known me now. Rude, rude Doctor. I'm much more rude now. And I have a fez. Oh, don't tell River. She thinks she's got rid of them all. She didn't think to check the rocking horse in the conservatory.<p>

Where was I? Amelia. I feel like it's my fault you grew up, but how could I have stolen a child? I'm too dangerous for grown-ups let alone little Amelia Pond. I think I would have done it. I think the TARDIS… I think she stopped me. She knew I'd be so stupid, that I'd take a human child. So she rang the cloister bell and took me away. That sexy faker. Stupid, silly Doctor who so craved the attention, the blind hope you had in me. Someone who would look at me with those eyes and never be disappointed, who would never see all the terrible things I'd done. Someone who might forgive me. If a child could love me, maybe I was not a monster.

Meeting you was like starting afresh, being reborn. All right, yes, I had technically just _been_ reborn, but I still have the memories, always the infinite volumes of memory. You wanted me there, you _asked _for me. Okay, so it was my fault you needed me in the first place. Me and my bouncing around doing parlour tricks and making everything go wibbly and rubbish, bang goes the universe…sorry. It still counts. You needed me, Amelia. You believed in me, truly. You didn't just hope or pray – we'll let that Santa thing go – you didn't hook yourself up to a global satellite array, and that's why you're special. Beautiful, clever, Scottish Amelia Pond. You believed in your imaginary friend so much that just for a little while…a sweet, brilliant while… he believed back. I'm lucky you're still alive. I went down that road before and oh so many people paid the price for it. I was the last.

Rose, she was my love. I never told you. Why should I have? That was an old life. Best kept in fond memory. But it's true, an ordinary human girl, yet so extraordinary. I don't think the TARDIS lets anyone in who isn't extraordinary. Why should she allow anything less? Then there was Donna, briefly, and then less briefly… I suppose she was my best friend, the only one that could stop me when I went too far. When she had to leave, I think that was the beginning of my last end. Mustn't forget Martha. Poor Martha. I stole her too, clever, fantastic Martha. I think it was what you would call a 'rebound'. I was cruel. Perhaps it was expected. My last regeneration was born out of love for Rose, born defending Earth. I was so soft on humans then. I arrived protecting her, as a part of her life, and in so doing I tried to _be _human. Silly, silly, Doctor.

Now don't laugh. If you were Amy Williams, you'd laugh, so stop it. I think…I think I was born for you. This me, now. I was born for little Amelia Pond. I was her imaginary friend, her wonderful secret. That raggedy man who never let her down. I so wanted to be that man, Amelia. All those people I promised to protect, every one of them who died for the sake of a stupid man with a stupid box who told them everything would be okay. Too many died for Rule Number One. I wanted you to be the exception, the one who would make me real, make me more than hu- more than timelord- the man who'd scare all the monsters away and they would never, ever win. I'd never lose you or leave you or take away your mind or ruin your life.

But the fairy-tale has to stay with you. I must ask you to hold that thought, that amazing fib that the Doctor is infallible. Until the day it falls apart. You had to grow up and so did I.

You saved me Amelia. Now it's time for me to do the same for you.

No more 'come along'.

Bye, bye, Pond.


End file.
